Real Life RNG: Based On Real Events

This is a repost from my other blog. For those that are not familiar with the lingo, RNG stands for “random number generator“. It’s a term used in gaming to determine if an action is successful or not. In real life this is called: “Shit Happens!“.

This was a failed attempt at me trying to be funny. If you are wondering, the events are true. People have died to defective Chinese chairs.

RNG found a way to attack real life players. It is unknown how this thing was created but it is rumored that the fusion of advanced technology and mystical Chinese magic had something to do with this. The rare manifestation is real.

One of the first attacks was reported in 2007. A 68 year old man was attacked by RNG, suffering a severe wound. RNG decided to spare his life. Another event was discovered on February 18, 2009. A boy was attacked once again by RNG and this time the boy faced the wrong side of RNG and died.

At the moment people had no idea of who the attacker was. After careful investigation by paranormal scientists and detectives, it was determined that the legendary monster known as RNG was real. This abomination resides in Chinese made chairs. Someone summoned the evil incarnation and it was taking people’s lives by anal penetration one at a time.

The boy was killed after the chair exploded, propelling parts inside his rear. The most recent case was reported May 13, 2010 and this time the girl survived. RNG is not a joke, will you be the next one?

Authorities around the world are denying the claims stating: “RNG does not exist, this is just a coincidence“. They are recommending people to stop using Chinese made chairs in order to avoid such a painful death.

We all know the truth, RNG is real. Like always, this is another government cover up because we all know there’s no such thing as cheap, bad quality Chinese products. banner

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